Hey girl, I'm sorry--I wasn't trying to make blanket statements about anybody at all, I was just talking about how I would personally feel about it. I'm not implying that YOU are saying "look at me I'm taken la la la he went to Jarred" by wearing a ring, I'm saying that I might feel like the ring was doing that for me and be self-conscious about it. I think I'd just be super self-conscious about the whole engagement/wedding deal from start to finish, so that's where THAT'S coming from. I don't know, all these traditions are strange and interesting to me and they're worth discussing and questioning, but I'm honestly not bashing what anybody else chooses to do, not at ALL. I'm sorry if I came off as overly snarky, but you should know I don't think you're lame for rocking a bombass ring and I don't think Andrew's lame for not wearing one. You're both the total opposite of lame. Just batting ideas around.

This has been in my messages probably for a while, but I am really unobservant. It’s in response to a reblog, which has since been deleted, in which I get defensive about jewelry store commercials/engagement rings. I realized my comments were defensive and a little negative, so I decided to delete the post and move on. But the whole thing raises some interesting issues that I think are worth discussing. 

First of all, jewelry store commercials are the worst. They are stupid and gross. I won’t even say they are sexist or whatever because they are so ridiculous that I can’t even take them seriously enough to call them that. And I can see how they create a culture that would make any girl feel awkward about getting jewelry from a boy, especially an engagement ring. Heck, it makes me feel a little awkward about wearing an engagement ring. 

Andrew and I decided long before our actual proposal that we were getting married. It wasn’t that I was ever sitting around waiting and hoping he would make the decision for us. I knew it was coming. (Sorry, Andrew.) But I get that it isn’t always that equal of a decision. And yeah, the whole guy has to ask the girl and present her with something shiny set up makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Or really uncomfortable. There is a lot to be said about the fact that women are expected to wear a ring during this weird relationship limbo, while the man is expected to cherish every last second of his bachelorhood. 

But I like shiny jewelry. I wanted a ring! It’s so pretty! And sparkly! 

However, I feel guilty about it, which is probably why I get defensive about it. This little ring says so, so much. I want it to say, “Look at how sparkly I am!” and more seriously,  ”I am in love and happy and glowy and getting married!” But it also says that I am giving in to traditional gender roles. I may not want it to say that, but it does. It says a multitude of positive and negative things to the world, just as not wearing a ring also says a multitude of positive and negative things. I cannot control all the subtle messages I am unconsciously communicating with my left hand.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there is no right or wrong way to feel. It’s just whatever level of awkward you are willing to deal with. It’s tough. When you tell people you are considering changing your name, you get pitying looks. But then if you tell someone you are considering keeping your name, you get eye rolls. If you say that yes, some boys wear engagement rings, you get laughs. I was never into weddings. I kind of never even really thought I’d get married. But now that I am, I really like wedding stuff, and then I feel totally guilty for being “that girl”. I too feel super self-conscious about wedding stuff. I feel like that fluffly girly part of me is something to hide, not flaunt in a big frilly wedding. 

I am trying to do this wedding the way that I try to live my life. If it makes me happy, then I do it. But as this whole debate proves, it is not that simple. 

Sorry this is so long winded. I just feel like it raises a lot of questions worth discussing and that I’d like to keep discussing. I don’t know. I think I am having a feminist existential crisis right now. Allow me to alert the internet.